I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
