Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
