He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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