ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
