so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
