I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
