My room smells like vodka and shame
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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