I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
