She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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