Swine flu. Run for my life!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just blew my weed a kiss
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
