Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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