This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
