Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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