The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
