so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
