***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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