you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
