Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
