I'm lost and stupid without you.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You ate ashes out of my bong
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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