3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize