hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
