just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
