wrigley field is MILF paradise
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
