Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
