My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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