just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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