Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
