I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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