I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
