im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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