All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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