I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
