Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
