So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
