I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
