NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
