seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
