Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
