Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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