you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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