Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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