I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
