What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
