I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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