I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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