Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
