I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
