I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
