Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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