apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
