True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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