I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sext me about skeletons
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
