We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
