i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
